Babysitter
by RoboticSpaceCase
Summary: When Dipper accidentally traps Bill in a toddler's body, he must watch him while Ford tries to fix his mistake.


AN: One shot from a prompt on Tumblr. Enjoy!

Blue fire raged around Ford and Dipper as they stood before the demon. His power was great, and the two humans were almost no match for him. As big as he was now, and as evil as he was, it was going to be tough to fight him.

But they knew that. They had prepared for this battle, since it was a long time coming. Though Dipper was still new to this magic stuff, and he was a little afraid that he wasn't going to be much help to his amazing grunkle, who seemed to be a master of all magical things.

The demon laughed, loudly, and pointed to the two of them, his eye almost turned upwards as if he were grinning. "You think you can defeat me?" His voice was loud, and it deepened at the last few words. "I have some news for you fleshbags, nothing can defeat me!" He laughed again, and threw a blast of magic their way.

Dipper had moved out of the way completely, but Ford had gotten blown back a little, nearly going into the trees that surrounded the clearing that they had tricked the demon into coming to.

"Ford!" Dipper tried to rush over to him, but a wall of flames spiked up in front of him, blocking his path.

"Well, well, Pine Tree, looks like it's just you and I. How long do you think you'll survive? One, maybe two seconds?" Bill laughed again, still unaware of why they had run to this clearing.

Dipper panicked and began to think. Ford had taught him the spell they needed, just in case something like this happened, but he couldn't quite bring the correct words to mind. _Facite. . . alveum torrentis hujus daemonem_. . .? He couldn't think of the whole thing. He jumped out of the way of another fire ball, and cringed, thinking hard about the words. He knew he had to be thinking of what to trap the demon as while he said them, so he thought about things that would be helpless. A list of things came to mind, and he figured any of them would work.

 _If he could only remember the words._ He cursed under his breath, and took a deep breath. He would just have to spit out what he thought was right, and hope for the best, or he and Ford were done for, and this whole plan would be in vain. And it would be _his fault_.

"Facite alveum torrentis hujus daemonem esse inops!" He shouted the words at the top of his lungs, right before Bill could get in another blow.

The laughing from the demon stops, and all around them the clearing begins to glow with white light "What have you done!?" Bill cried out.

The light gets brighter and brighter, until Dipper can no longer see. He knows one thing for sure though- the fire is out, and he can go see if Ford was okay.

"Grunkle Ford?" Dipper grabbed his shoulder and shook him lightly.

The light began to fade, and there was no more Bill, but Dipper was more focused on Ford at the moment. If he had messed up the spell, he would need Ford awake to fix it.

"Dipper?" Ford groaned and sat up slightly, seeing that there was no longer a large demon floating above them in the sky. "You've done it!" Ford chuckled and looked to Dipper with a large smile on his face. "I knew you could do it! I've placed my faith in the right place."

Dipper beemed. His grunkle's approval was always something he strived for. And he knew that helping defeat Bill, Bill Cipher, was something he was going to be praised for, for a long time. Or, so he thought.

"What is this? I can't see," a voice whined.

Dipper and Ford both turned with confused looks to the center of the field.

There, sitting with his arms folded, with a large pouty face, was a small boy. His hair was fluffy and a golden yellow, matching the yellow T-shirt he was wearing. A black eye patch covered his left eye, the other eye shining a bright golden color.

"I demand to know what you did Pine Tree!" The kid couldn't have been more than six, and was trying to stand up, not used to his new legs.

" _Bill_?" They said in unison.

"What about it? Just because your idiot nephew trapped me in this body doesn't mean I'm not still all powerful!" He thrusted his hand forward, as if he expected another blast of magic to shoot from it, but nothing happened. His eye went from gold o red, and he marched over to Dipper, pointing a finger at him. "You did this to me! Undo this, now, Pine Tree!"

Dipper couldn't help but snicker at the demon. There was no way he could take this little brat seriously. "I wouldn't even know how to."

Ford sat speechless, staring at the demon child. Dipper must've thought of a child when he was thinking of something helpless, and this was the outcome. He scratched the stubble on his chin, deep in thought about what he could do. There was no way he could just kill the kid, that was dark, even if it meant destroying Bill. He couldn't just lock him up either, as that was also pretty dark.

"Dipper," he said suddenly.

Bill and Dipper turned to him, Bill seething with anger, and Dipper holding back a laugh.

"I need to go do some research. You're going to need to keep Bill out of trouble while I'm doing so. He doesn't seem to have his magic, so it shouldn't be too hard."

Dipper's smile broke and he shook his head. "I can't watch him!"

"I do not need a sitter!" Bill stomped his foot down and clenched his fists at his sides. "And do, not, talk about me like I'm not here!"

Ignoring Bill, Ford looked to Dipper with a serious expression. "I'm counting on you to keep him out of trouble. You thought of toddler when saying the spell, now you've got a toddler. I'm hoping we can use a different spell to trap him into another form, one that can't talk hopefully."

Bill's entire body seemed to be turning red, as he was nearly steaming with anger. After a second though, he stopped, and smiled, his body returning to its caramel skin color and golden eye. "I see now. In this form, ol' Sixer here doesn't have the heart to off me." Even though it was on a six year old, the grin on his face was still menacing, and gave Dipper chills up his spine.

"That's only six years younger than me though, so _I_ can still whale on you." Dipper crossed his arms and glared at the demon.

Bill laughed and looked at his hand for a moment. "I can't feel much of my magic though." He clenched his fist, hard, his knuckles turning white, then after a moment a small blue flame erupted over his hand. "I can only get to some of it," he mumbled. His eye shot up to Ford, who was still watching him in fascination, and his smile widened. "This form ain't half bad."

Ford stood up, and Bill's gaze followed his. He was _much_ taller than the demon now, and he could see it in Bill's eyes that Bill definitely noticed. "I shouldn't be gone long. The new spell will be similar to this one. This time we're going to try to stick him in a pendant or something though."

They dragged Bill back to the Mystery Shack, hoping that Ford really wouldn't take long to find a solution.

"Whoa, what's with the brat?" Wendy looked up from her magazine, and set it on the counter, giving the small boy a quizzical look.

"He's like a little pirate!" Mabel squealed. She bounced over to the "new" boy, and looked at him closely. "Do I know you from somewhere?" She leaned in and squinted her eyes at the boy, examining his face a little too close for his comfort.

"Sure do Star, now get outa my face." Bill stepped back and wrinkled his nose at her, looking more like a brat than before.

Mabel nearly fell forward and gasped. "Bill?"

"The one and only! Don't wear the name out though." He chuckled then shook his head "Just kidding, a name this good can't be worn out. Though it's not my _real_ name, it does its job, and well." Deciding to get into whatever he could, Bill looked around the shop, and spotted a few snow globes. _Those can break_.

He darted over to them, immediately knocking a few on the floor.

"Bill!" Dipper rushed over and yanked him away, holding his arm.

Bill yelped and turned to Dipper, pouting. "Pine Tree," he whined. "Don't pull so hard." He used the most annoying voice he could think of. If Dipper thought he was getting away with what he did, then he was _sorely_ mistaken.

"Then don't break stuff! Soos is probably going to get stuck cleaning this up!"

As if he was summoned by the sound of broken glass, Soos was there with a broom and a dustpan. "It's no problem dude. Cleaning is my passion! Plus I've been super bored all day, so like a mess is almost nice," he chuckled.

Dipper smiled at Soos as he dragged Bill into the living room area. Maybe TV would better suit a six year old demon.

"I know this crap. People spending countless hours of their lives making something only a thousand or so people will ever see. What a waste." Bill happily, if not somewhat enthusiastically, plopped himself down on the chair, his eyes gluing themselves to the screen. "Alright then, attempt to distract me with this stupid box."

Dipper rolled his eyes. Bill may still be Bill, but he's also a six year old at the moment. A cartoon would be perfect.

The next hour or so was spent with Bill yelling at the TV, because the characters _wouldn't get it_. No matter how many times Bill would answer a question, they still _wouldn't get it_.

"Pine Tree," he said in a high pitched voice "I'm, huuuungrryy. Bring me snacks so that this tiny body doesn't wither away."

Dipper groaned. Hopefully Ford was close to finding the new spell. "What do you want?"

"I don't know, I have no idea what I like. A spoon maybe? Can I eat that?"

"How about some pudding. That'll require a spoon to eat, but you don't eat the actual spoon, okay?" Dipper spoke to him like a child. If he was going to whine like one, he was going to be spoken down to.

And Bill caught on to that quick. "Talk to me like that again and I will smash the pudding into your face and make you eat the spoon."

Dipper chuckled. Something about his round cheeks and big eyes _screamed_ non-threatening. "Sure thing Bill."

Bill did not get a single spoonful of pudding in his mouth. Not only did he get it _everywhere_ but, he also used the spoon to launch the pudding onto the TV, and at Dipper, who of course was fighting to get the cup and spoon away from the demon.

With both of them covered in pudding, fighting over a spoon, Ford reemerged from his space behind the vending machine, giving them a very odd look.

"Well," he sighed "I was able to find something that will put Bill into a locket. But. . ." He trailed off and looked down at his boots.

"But what Sixer?" Bill halfheartedly put more pudding on Dipper, but kept his stare on Ford.

"If we do it, then we get left with a brain-dead six year old body. Our only other choices are to reverse the spell, turning him back into his demon form, which isn't really much of an option, since he would likely kill us instantly,"

"Ya' got that right IQ," Bill interrupted, while he poked at some pudding on Dipper's arm.

"Or," Ford continued "we keep him like this. And quite frankly, as annoying as it is, this seems to be our best option."

Dipper's heart dropped. He did not want a little demon running around forever. He couldn't even imagine the whining. Or the pudding. "Ford, there has to be another way!"

He shrugged with one shoulder and eyeballed the demon. "It might not be so bad. I mean, he _is_ trapped, and helpless is a word I would describe this form." He ruffled Bill's hair, making Bill burn a bright red. "Who knows, maybe this'll teach him a good lesson or two." Then he turned to Dipper, and gave him a very serious look. "Dipper. Are you up to helping me with this? It won't be easy, and it may take a while, but we can use this. It won't be permanent, but it will work until there is another solution."

Dipper gulped and looked at Bill, who had calmed down and was using his finger to skillfully draw a picture on the wall of Ford being stabbed, using the rest of his pudding. "I-I don't know. . ." he trailed off as he scratched the back of his head.

"Think of this is a mission. You're keeping Bill from destroying the world! And you're being my assistant by keeping him busy while I research a way out of this." Ford almost hated using the Dipper-admires-the-hell-out-of-me card, but knew that he would have no way to watch Bill _and_ read ancient texts.

There was no way Dipper was going to let this go on forever. But. . . he would be helping out. And. . . Ford did just call him his assistant. . . "Well. . . Okay. But this really isn't going to be forever, is it?"

Ford shrugged. "I'll be honest with you Dipper. I may never find another way out. But, I will try my hardest. And don't think you'll be stuck with him all the time. There's Mabel, Stan, and others who can take turns while you assist me with research." Again he used the Dipper-admires me card, and felt a little bad that he kept doing it, but over all didn't mind, since it would be much harder to do without him.

A deep sigh forced its way into Dipper's lungs, as he realized that he had been holding his breath. "Alright grunkle Ford. I'll help as much as I can."

Bill laughed suddenly, and they both turned their heads to him. He was leaning against the wall, next to his pudding-painting of Ford being stabbed _and_ run over. "Alright, I'll play your game Pine Tree, Sixer. Let's see who comes out of this. Helpless or not, I'm still me."

Ford placed his hand on Dipper's shoulder and gripped it reassuringly. "He can't do too much. And I give you full permission to lock him in a room for time-outs. If he's going to act childish, he's going to be treated as such." He let his hand fall back to his side, then fixed his coat with the other. "Well then, I will leave you two to it. I must go see if I can dig up some contacts who may be able to help. Good luck."

Both boys watched as Ford disappeared, and as soon as he was out of sight, Bill turned his gaze on Dipper, with a smile like a shark. "Pine Tree, I'm still huuungryy."

Dipper put his hand up to his forehead and sighed. He had just agreed to watch a bratty, demon child for who knows how long. "If you don't eat what I give you this time, then you're not getting food at all."

"So sweet to be giving me another chance," he said sarcastically. "Lead the way to the next mess, _babysitter_."

Well, Dipper had screwed himself over. Of course Bill would do everything he could to make this hell for him- it was his fault that this had happened.

That's right. It was his fault. He grimaced. He had done this to himself. "Look, Bill, I'm sorry I put us all in his crappy situation, but can we just call it a truce now? Before things get really ugly?"

Bill tapped his chin, looking upwards as if he were thinking. "Hm, fuscous says. . . No. Now make me some of those reptile shaped meat wads. And get me the tomato paste as well. I've always wanted to try that stuff." Bill sauntered into the kitchen, ignoring Dipper's pained face.

He could do this. He could. He- he just had to- to. . . Be the adult. Yeah. He was Bill's babysitter. And he would be damned if Bill got the better of him. "Only if you eat them all. And no ketchup art. Or I will put you in time out."

Bill laughed from inside the kitchen and Dipper heard glass break. "I will make what I want."

Dipper began to pick up the larger pieces of the glass, and sighed. "Bill, please let's just make a truce. I can get you back you know. Ever heard the whole, 'don't bite the hand that feeds you'?"

Bill huffed and rolled his eyes. "Fine, whatever. I'll stop breaking stuff, if you make me reptile meat wads."

A small smile found Dipper's lips. It was a start.

After the nuggets were done, the boys sat down to eat them. At first, Bill sat and ate quietly, but after biting one of the heads of the dinosaurs off, he realized very quickly that ketchup looked an awful lot like blood.

Loud, eardrum tearing, screeches were made, as Bill pretended that the dinosaurs were fighting each other. And the way he was smacking them down into the plate, the "blood" was getting everywhere. It was a full-on dino blood bath.

"Bill! Just eat them!"

"But Captain One-Eye hasn't won the war yet! His right hand man lost his arm. Now he's his left hand man!" Bill laughed way too hard at his own joke, and Dipper couldn't help but snicker with him.

"What'd you read that off a candy wrapper?"

Bill looked offended. "That was one hundred percent Bill Cipher. . . Well, more like ten percent me, but, still me!"

He watched as the demon eventually got bored with his war, then said a dramatic goodbye to his Captain, as he was the last nugget standing.

"It's been. . ." he fake coughed "a good run. . .huh?" He was using a funny voice to make it sound like Captain One-Eye was speaking, but switched to his normal voice to say his goodbye. "I'll never forget you, captain." He saluted as he shoved the nugget into his mouth, then slumped in his chair as he swallowed it.

Dipper was in stitches. Bill was actually kind of funny. "That was way too dramatic dude."

Bill crossed his arms and pouted again. "How dare you, after I just lost my closest," he faked sniffled "friend. Too soon Pine Tree. Too. Soon." He turned in his chair, pretending to cry.

More chuckles escaped from Dipper, but they died down as he thought about how Bill was being. "Decided to take it easy on me?"

Bill turned in his seat to face Dipper again, a bored look on his face. "Well, you laugh at my jokes, so I guess I can take it easy on you. Sixer, on the other _hand_ ," he snickered "he's in for a world of whining and screaming."

It wasn't as bad as it could be, Dipper guessed. At least Bill had agreed to take it easy on him, so long as he was amused with the demon. "Wanna help me clean up the pudding then?"

Bill snorted and shook his head. "That's all yours. I'm going to fill Captain One-Eye's final resting place with chocolate milk." He sniffled again and looked down. "It was his dying wish."

Okay, so Bill was actually fun to be around. That was a good thing. Maybe Dipper hadn't dug himself a grave. Maybe he could get through this. "Tell his wife and children he was a good man."

Bill saluted Dipper as he disappeared into the living room to start cleaning the pudding. "Oh, they know," he sniffled again "they know."

As Dipper scrubbed, he heard Mabel and Bill laughing in the kitchen, making god knows what kind of horror-filled drinks. Another smile found his lips.

Yeah. This was good. This was- it was doable. He could live with his mistake. So long as Bill cooperated and kept making jokes. Which, he didn't think Bill could ever run out of jokes. So it was good. Yeah, everything would be good.


End file.
